


Menace à Trois

by Kantayra



Category: Smallville
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-26
Updated: 2006-10-26
Packaged: 2017-10-19 01:39:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/195467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kantayra/pseuds/Kantayra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The witches in 'Spell' find something useful to do with their powers: Namely, create gay porn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Menace à Trois

**Author's Note:**

> strippedpink wanted Clark/Lex/Jason. I, being lazy, fell back on the clichést of all clichés because I didn't want to, like, come up with a plot. Hence, magic makes them fuck! :D Thanks so very much to txtequilanights who beta'ed this and, during our chats together, came up with some of the punchlines in this fic. Because she's brilliant. Also, yes, the bad!pun in this fic's title is intentional. My deepest apologies. :P

The stone was mere inches from the hand of Isobel’s lovely new host body when she was stopped by the sound of a shotgun cocking. “What now?” she exclaimed in frustration, before turning to the door to find that Clark Kent stood there, gun poised and ready.

“Don’t,” he warned her, trying so very _hard_ to look dangerous and failing miserably.

Isobel smirked, the smile lines still feeling vaguely unfamiliar even in a body that looked so similar to her original one, and turned to face him. “You shouldn’t have come, Clark,” she tisked lightly.

“Silly boy,” Madeline concurred, her voice still sounding oddly out of place through Chloe’s vocal chords.

“He does have the rather foolhardy tendency to jump into dangerous situations alone,” a second male voice cut in. “Fortunately, he has friends willing to back him up in such circumstances.”

Isobel’s head shot up to see that Lex Luthor was standing on the opposite side of the cavern entrance from Clark, a semi-automatic in hand and pointed directly at her. “Didn’t I already get rid of you?” she asked, annoyed. Honestly, this century was starting to really get to her. The men may have been very pretty, but they were annoyingly persistent.

“A favor which I’m more than happy to return,” Lex informed her icily. And, where Clark’s expression showed hesitation and a desire not to harm, there was no such weakness in Lex’s steely eyes. He was clearly the more dangerous of the two at the moment, despite the relative sizes of their guns.

“Ooh,” Briana cooed excitedly at Lex’s arrival, “Lois Lane’s memories didn’t tell me he was so… _hot_?” Briana’s brow furrowed as she tried to assess whether this was the proper slang term or not.

“Hot,” Madeline agreed, licking Chloe’s lips.

“Lex,” Clark turned to look at him, eyes wide in alarm, “what are you doing here? How did you find me?”

“Educated guess,” Lex answered smoothly, eyes never leaving Isobel, hand never wavering on the trigger. “After all, every strange thing that’s happened over the last two years has involved these caves in some way, shape, or form.”

“You need to get out of here,” Clark said nervously. “It’s not safe.”

“But it’s safe for you, I suppose?” Lex countered. “From what you told me, you haven’t had any better luck with whatever’s possessed Lana than I have.”

“Lex…” Clark all but whined.

“If we take them together…” Lex began.

Isobel yawned.

“Hello?” Briana complained. “We’re still in the room, you know? Or…cave. What _ever_.”

“Ignoring us? Totally rude,” Madeline agreed, hands on Chloe’s hips.

“Clark, pay attention,” Lex snapped at where Clark had half turned his back on the three of them.

It was a pity, really. Isobel had been just about ready to strike.

Thankfully, Lex’s pretty boy toy wasn’t fast enough. Briana whipped the shotgun aside with a flick of her magic, ducked, and just avoided Lex’s bullet to the brain.

Madeline screamed and fell to the ground next to Briana, which left Isobel with a clear shot at Lex. He grimaced, pulled the trigger—

“ _Glaciā_!”

—And froze in place.

Isobel smirked. “So very foolish of you, Lex,” she tisked lightly, sauntering over to him.

“Lex!” Clark gaped in horror. “Let him go!” he demanded, rushing at her.

“ _Cade_!”

If Isobel hadn’t had a long and experienced life with magic, she might have thought that Clark had just tripped over his own two feet, the way he blundered about. “You can get up now,” she informed Madeline and Briana smugly, glancing down at where they were still cowering on the floor.

“I vote that we spell all guns out of existence,” Briana offered hoarsely, getting to her feet before helping Madeline up.

“Seconded,” Madeline agreed.

Isobel rolled her eyes and walked calmly over to where Clark was trying to get up. She set her heel firmly in the center of his back and stomped him right back down to the earth.

“Lex…” Clark gasped out stubbornly, stretching one arm out toward Lex’s frozen form.

“Aww,” Madeline cooed. “Isn’t that cute? He’s worried about his boyfriend.”

Clark glared at her. “He’s _not_ —”

“Repressed homosexuality is _so_ boring,” Isobel complained, cutting his protest short with yet another blast of power. Clark fell to the ground at her feet, quiet except for labored wheezes.

“Mmm, I bet they’d be pretty, though.” Briana licked her lips. “Too bad they’re too dangerous to keep around. I wouldn’t mind watching that action.”

Isobel raised a curious eye at her.

“What?” Briana demanded, gesturing to Lois’ body. “This host spent quite a lot of time observing such things on something called the…internet?”

“Two men?” Madeline cocked Chloe’s head curiously. “Together?”

“It is a worthy sport,” Briana confirmed sagely.

“It’s also,” Isobel pointed out, a bit annoyed, “not why we’re here. The stone, ladies?” she reminded them.

Briana pouted.

“But… Now I’m all curious!” Madeline insisted.

Isobel rolled her eyes.

“It’s not like we haven’t already won,” Briana pointed out hopefully.

Clark started twitching beneath Isobel’s boot, still reaching for Lex. He really _was_ very pretty, and so ardent about the older boy’s peril…

Unconsciously, Isobel licked her lips at the thought of the two of them together.

“Oh, thank you!” Madeline squealed.

Briana caught her up in an impromptu hug. “Just one last party,” she promised.

Somehow, Isobel had lost without even getting a chance to put up a fight. How these two morons managed to do that so consistently was beyond her. However, in this case, she could be gracious in defeat. She knelt down, and Clark glared right up at her. “Pretty boy,” she ruffled his hair affectionately. “You should thank me. I’m about to do you the biggest favor of your life.”

“Lex…” He really was a single-minded creature.

“Yes, Lex,” she agreed. And, with a flick of her wrist, all his morals and inhibitions, doubts and resistance, were gone.

She did the same to Lex and only afterwards released him from his icy prison. One could never be too careful around that one.

“Do what comes naturally, boys,” she smirked when their eyes locked and their gazes turned heated. “We’ll just sit back and enjoy the show.”

“Oh yes, we will…” Briana breathed.

Isobel barely had time to get out of the middle before their newest pets were all over each other, lips meeting furiously, hands clutching and tearing at clothing.

“Well,” Madeline’s eyes widened in surprise, “that didn’t take long.”

“With that much suppressed desire?” Isobel retorted with a quirk of her lips.

As if to emphasize that point, Lex chose that moment to grab Clark by the opened halves of his rather hideous blue-and-black flannel shirt and all but _threw_ him upon the table in the center of the room. Instantly, Lex was upon him, yanking the shirt off of Clark’s arms, grasping frantically at the front of Clark’s jeans.

Their lips met in another ravenous kiss, tongues flicking out and tangling together messily. Clark fumbled with the buttons at the front of Lex’s shirt and then, with a frustrated exclamation, ripped it open, sending little white buttons ricocheting throughout the cave.

“Oh…” Briana breathed.

“My…” Madeline agreed.

“God…” Isobel finished, eyes wide.

Clothing was being tossed aside at an almost alarming rate now, and Madeline snickered when a very expensive sock managed to land right on Briana’s head. However, the sight of two such delectable male bodies writhing naked together on the table pretty much removed all other distractions.

“Dreamed about this for years,” Lex gasped out against the curve of Clark’s throat between kisses. “About you…”

“God, yes. Yes! _Lex_ …” Clark’s final exclamation broke off in a hiss of pleasure, and his large, tanned hands grasped Lex’s ass, pulling him down further on top of Clark, causing their cocks to grind together, long and hard and angry.

“This might have been one of the better ideas you two have had,” Isobel admitted, staring in rapt fascination at the tableau before them. Suddenly, the black thong underwear she was wearing didn’t seem like such a good idea. It was sticky and wet and twisting uncomfortably. Dimly, she registered that Madeline and Briana were shifting and readjusting just as awkwardly.

“Lex…” Clark’s moans echoed throughout the cave. “God, want you so much…”

“Missed you.” Lex ground down into him, spreading Clark’s thighs wide and—

“Everyone, freeze right there, and— Oh, _shit_!”

Isobel snapped out of her rather dazed stupor just in time to see Jason cover his eyes where he’d just burst in.

“Doesn’t anyone knock in this century?” she asked testily.

Jason, still looking thoroughly mortified at what he’d just witnessed, waved his gun around blindly. “What the hell did you do to—?”

Isobel froze him mid-“them.”

“This is getting annoying,” she concluded. “Don’t these _men_ realize that—?”

“Add him to the fun!” Briana chimed in before Isobel could finish her rant.

“He’s _pretty_!” Madeline agreed.

“He also knows that this book is the source of our power, and—” Isobel’s objections were met by two crushed expressions. She sighed wearily. Achieving ultimate power and ruling the world _really_ shouldn’t be this difficult… “And…he’s very pretty,” she agreed reluctantly. This whole situation was kind of getting out of hand.

Madeline and Briana were, of course, ecstatic.

“Hurry along, then.” Madeline commanded to Jason, waving her hand in the air and wasting more magic than she really needed to; she’d always been a sloppy spell-caster. “You don’t want to miss the fun.” Another wave of her hand, and Jason’s clothes flung to the far corners of the room. Briana was prepared to dodge the flying socks this time.

Adding a third boy to the mix created some pretty problems that Isobel hadn’t considered. Like, for instance, the fact that Clark and Lex _really_ didn’t want to be interrupted. And then there was the whole struggle for dominance.

Isobel watched intently as bodies twisted and writhed, lips kissed and teeth nibbled, and limbs tangled in a hopeless, orgiastic mess: Lex’s pale, lean body, and Clark’s golden-bronze, sunned musculature, and Jason’s more subtle-brown tan. It was a sight so glorious, she couldn’t imagine that any had ever beheld anything of such exotic beauty.

“Perhaps,” she commented thoughtfully as Lex and Clark, in a tag-team effort, finally pinned Jason down onto the table and began licking him _all_ over, “it might be worth the effort to keep these three.”

“Our own personal harem?” Madeline asked excitedly.

“We’ll need entertainment once we rule the world,” Briana chimed in.

It was an excellent point.

Especially now that Clark had Jason pressed face first into the table and was rubbing his long, full cock into the cleft of Jason’s ass, eyes squeezed shut tight in concentration as he did so. Lex stood behind Clark, arms wrapped around his waist, whispering dirty little encouragements into Clark’s ear.

“Do you want him, Clark?” Lex cooed softly. “Have you dreamed about what those full lips of his could do?”

Clark nodded numbly, eyes closed in rapture, as he continued to grind into Jason from behind.

“What about his ass?” Lex continued, the word sharp and harsh on his tongue. “You’ve thought about fucking him, haven’t you? Just as much as he’s always wanted to fuck you…”

“Hell, yes!” Jason encouraged beneath Clark.

“Would you like that, Clark?” Lex’s lips formed perfect little sins. “Would you like to fuck him? Or…would you like me to fuck you?”

“I-I…” Clark bit his lip and paused, looking so impossibly _lost_.

“Or do you want both at the same time?”

“ _Yes_ …”

With that the rubbing increased in place, although no actual sex was materializing. Isobel was about to complain when the explanation presented itself.

“Oops,” Briana suddenly said in mortification.

“Oops?” Isobel and Madeline said in perfect stereo. It was never a good sign when Isobel sounded like one of those idiots.

“I just realized. We forgot the lube,” Briana offered sheepishly.

“Hmm.” Isobel considered that for a moment, glancing back at where Lex’s hands were now wrapped around Clark’s cock from behind, rubbing the slick pre-come into his skin. “Someone’s a very bad boy,” she concluded, bending over to retrieve Lex’s fine wool trousers. “Bad enough to…?” she asked rhetorically, as she pulled a small plastic tube from one of the pockets. “Yup.”

She tossed the tube into mid-air, levitated it over to Lex who promptly put it to good use. So predictably naughty…

“Mmm, I like that one,” Briana said with a sigh. “You think he’d let me rub his head afterward? He’s just so… _smooth_ …”

“I call the farm-boy!” Madeline made her claim.

Isobel opened her mouth for a moment to protest, realized that that left her with Jason, and shut it again. _Suckers._ Did they not notice those pretty, pouty lips?

Pretty, pouty lips that even now opened wide in an ecstatic gasp as Clark pushed into him from behind. Clark froze (metaphorically) after one long, clean thrust put him all the way inside, buried up to his balls.

“Fuck, yeah.” Jason squirmed on the table, rocking into Clark’s hips. “So fucking good…”

Clark whimpered.

“Is it good, Clark?” Lex asked, voice soft and seductive, still embracing Clark from behind. “This is your first time, isn’t it?” He let out a long, slow breath against Clark’s ear. “How does it feel?”

“Oh God, Lex,” Clark whispered fervently, rocking slowly like he knew he was about to lose control. “It’s _amazing_.”

Lex’s fingers tangled to Clark’s hair, stroking him, petting him. “It’s amazing for him, as well. Would you like to feel what that’s like?”

Clark whimpered.

“Would you like me to fuck you?”

“God, yes.” That came from Madeline, whose chest was heaving now as she practically _panted_ with excitement.

“ _Yes_!” Clark, it seemed, agreed with her. Isobel couldn’t blame him. Lucky boy. He’d won himself quite a seducer for his suitor.

“Hold still,” Lex instructed, hand pressing on the back of Clark’s neck until he was half bent over Jason. Jason wriggled in protest at the lack of movement, but Lex ignored his complaints, leisurely slicking his cock up with the lube.

“Bossy,” Isobel commented with approval. “But we don’t want him to get _too_ bossy. We’ll have to make sure they fuck him later.”

“Mmm…” Briana agreed blissfully.

“I like this plan,” Madeline sighed.

Clark splayed his legs open for Lex, still buried in Jason, and hissed and gasped as Lex’s slick fingers began probing him one by one.

“Relax,” Lex purred against the nape of Clark’s neck, rocking slowly against them.

“Hurry the fuck up,” Jason snapped from beneath Clark, teeth grinding with restraint.

“Our innocent little virgin needs time to get ready,” Isobel chastised him lightly, smiling with satisfaction when Lex got in three fingers all at once and Clark moaned, thrusting hard into Jason in response.

“Your host’s boyfriend didn’t seem to have much problem,” Madeline pointed out at where Jason was squirming for more friction.

“High school football coach?” Briana rolled her eyes. “Please. That’s not even _in_ the closet. Isobel’s host was probably just his beard anyway.”

Isobel glared at her, feeling some need to stand up for her descendant, pathetic good girl though she might be.

“Er… I mean…” Briana hastily backtracked.

“Well, it’s not like _I_ mind whether he enjoys all manner of pretty creatures,” Isobel conceded magnanimously. Because, in the end, any resistance Lana might have had to idea was simply preposterous. Who _wouldn’t_ want their boy toy all fucked and pretty like Jason was? “Shh, I think the farm-boy is about to lose that sweet virginity of his…”

Madeline let out an excited little squeal.

“Lex, _please_!” Clark hissed out when Lex finally withdrew his fingers and pressed his hips against the swell of Clark’s ass once more. “Want you so much…”

“Believe me, I can feel.” Lex kissed his shoulder and lined himself up. “Breathe in. Slowly.”

Clark took a deep breath, filling his broad chest out.

“And out,” Lex commanded.

Clark breathed out, and Lex pushed in, and—

“Oh, God! _Lex_!” Clark cried out.

“Does it hurt?” Lex was only half inside Clark, jaw clenched as he restrained himself from pushing the rest of the way inside.

“N-No,” Clark said shakily. “Just…weird. And good. And, God, _more_!”

“No fucking kidding!” Jason snapped on the bottom.

Lex did as they instructed and shoved himself _hard_ into Clark the rest of the way, causing Clark to thrust into Jason, and a cascade of moans echoed from the three boys as they began to move together, grinding and fucking each other. There was some wild, erratic bucking for a while until Lex placed one hand firmly on Clark’s hip, the other on Jason’s, and guided them into a fast, even rhythm.

“Someone’s done this before,” Briana sing-songed.

“Guh,” was Madeline’s only response.

It was a sentiment that Isobel wholeheartedly approved of. Clark was gasping wildly, his head fallen back against Lex’s shoulder, eyes wide and wild. “I don’t think our middle boy’s going to last,” she confided to Briana.

“Lex…?” Clark whimpered aloud.

Lex’s lips caught his in a quick, awkward kiss. “It’s all right, Clark. I have you.”

“I-I can’t…” Clark pleaded, squeezing his eyes shut tight as Lex’s every thrust inside of him drove him, in turn, deep inside Jason.

“Fuck, yes!” Jason moaned beneath him, propped up on the table with his elbows, head hung forward as he thrust back onto Clark.

Lex’s left hand left Jason’s hip, reached out to catch Clark’s hand, and guided them both around the front to Jason’s desire-swollen cock. A shout echoed through the cave when their joint hands wrapped around Jason and started pulling _hard_.

“Yeah, yeah…” Jason started chanting.

“Ooh, maybe the pretty one will go first?” Madeline considered thoughtfully.

“But the farm-boy’s a virgin,” Isobel countered wisely.

“Ah…” Briana and Madeline nodded in agreement.

“Too much…” Clark’s forehead sweated with a light sheen, face twisting into ecstasy. “God, _inside_ me, Lex. Can feel you so deep…”

Lex’s lips nibbled on his ear. “Come for me, Clark. Come for us all…”

Clark came, hard and fast, body shuddering, mouth opened in shocked silence. It _really_ should be illegal for anything to be that hot. Even Isobel thought so, and she didn’t really respect…well, _any_ laws.

“Awww,” Briana cooed.

“He’s so adorable!” Madeline clapped. “His first time!”

“Such a good, pretty boy,” Isobel agreed, awed. “All such good, pretty boys…”

As she watched, Lex’s hand dragged across Jason’s cock in one last powerful jerk. With a roar, Jason came all over the ancient stone table, sputtering and squirming as he continued to rub against Lex and Clark for every last bit of friction.

“Two down, one to go,” Briana intoned.

It seemed to be Lex’s philosophy as well. His jaw had been clenched, fighting for control, but now that Jason and Clark were both spent, he relaxed, allowed his deep thrusts into Clark’s ass to become jerky and erratic. Eyelashes fluttered closed, and he came slow and long, fighting back any kind of cry. Still controlled that one little bit even to the end…

“Next time,” Madeline licked her lips, “we make sure they _break_ that one down.”

“Guh,” Isobel and Briana agreed.

On the table, Lex slumped forward onto Clark, resting his forehead in the sweaty place between Clark’s shoulder-blades as he slid out of Clark’s ass. His lips brushed against the golden-bronzed skin reverently. “Oh, Clark…”

Beneath them, Jason shifted with a groan and eventually rolled out from under them to lay on his back on the table, cock soft and spent, and stare up at the ceiling. “Aww, _yeah_ ,” he sighed. And then: “Wait a minute…”

Clark seemed to come out of the lust-induced haze at the same time. Lex still curled into his side, he turned angry eyes on Isobel.

Isobel just smirked. “Well, girls,” she concluded with a clap of her hands. “Do our boys pass their audition?”

“Oh, _yes_ ,” Madeline purred.

“Can we keep them?” Briana enthused. “Can we, can we?”

“You’ll never get away with this,” Clark croaked out.

“We already have,” Isobel gloated, stepping closer to the tableau before her. Fun was fun, but she had business to attend to.

Instinctively, Clark clutched Lex closer and extended one arm to shield Jason from her.

“Your powers are gone, boy,” she informed him coolly. A little cease marred Lex’s brow as he looked at Clark. Isobel reached over and calmly picked up the stone. “Bear witness, Clark Kent, to the dawn of a new age—”

And then, suddenly, a bright white light engulfed her hand. Blinding hot pain shot throughout her body, ripping a fraction of the magical force from her. She shrieked in agony and dropped the stone, clutching her hand, winded and _hurt_ , dammit!

Clark’s hand reached out and caught the stone before it could hit the dirt, still slumped against the table. The white energy shot through his body in response, and where it had weakened Isobel, it made him stronger…

“His powers are restored…” Briana breathed in confusion.

“How?” Madeline sputtered.

Lex’s hand tensed on Clark’s chest in disbelief as he mouthed the same question. Clark turned to him, gazing in a hopelessly infatuated puppy-dog way into Lex’s eyes, and confessed softly, “I’m not from around here…”

Lex’s eyes widened in response.

Isobel staggered backwards and managed to re-center her magic. She could feel the fury glowing through her eyes and power crackled against her fingertips once more. “It doesn’t matter,” she insisted with a sneer. “We took them from you once before. Do you really believe that this time will be different?”

Clark was still gazing at Lex. “I’m counting on it,” he whispered, seeming not even to register what Isobel was saying. And then he turned to her, and fire shot forth from his eyes.

Lex looked as astounded as Isobel did for one moment, and then she realized that _the book_ was on fire, and—

“ _No_!”

A white light flashed through the room as Isobel felt herself being ripped away from consciousness. Ringing through her ears, she heard Madeline and Briana’s screams, and the last thing she saw was Clark shielding a stunned Lex from the magical explosion…

And the world went black.

***

Lana awoke with a groan and a headache. Her fingers curled, and she felt dirt and hard earth beneath her palm. _What on earth…?_ She blinked her eyes open and, really, there was only one place she could be. How she’d gotten to the Kawatche Caves was beyond her, though. As was the reason why her underwear was so sticky and itchy…

Lana heard other groans and saw Chloe a little ways over. Behind Chloe, Lois slowly sat up rubbing her head.

“Why are we lying in the dirt?” Lois asked.

“And what the hell are we wearing?” Chloe agreed, looking down in horror at the trashy tramp clothing they all had on.

And then, across the room, there was a sudden, very unmanly shriek.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing touching my—?”

“Jason?” Lana looked over in confusion…and her eyes widened in sudden amazement.

Jason turned to notice her and the other girls at the exact same time, and his eyes went _huge_ with horror. “Fuck!” he screeched again and dove behind the odd stone table at the center of the room.

Which only served to draw Lana’s eyes to the other very _naked_ inhabitants of the table.

“Eep!” Clark squeaked and instantly moved his hands to cover himself.

Lex just yawned and stretched like this was nothing out of the ordinary. Lana couldn’t help but appreciate the view. The way Clark’s entire face flamed bright red, she wondered if he was appreciating the view just as much.

“Okay,” Lois sounded annoyed, “I give up. What happened here?” She turned to Chloe. “When you said this place was ‘weird,’ you never told me that I’d be seeing _this much_ pretty man-flesh on such a regular basis. Or be experiencing sporadic bouts of amnesia.”

Chloe turned flustered. “Well, uh…usually, uh…” From her angle, Lana realized, she had a much better view of Lex and Jason.

Clark, still wide-eyed and covering his naughtier bits with his hands, dove for his jeans. “You guys were possessed,” he offered, face still bright red as he reached down.

Lex tilted his head to one side to watch Clark’s ass as he bent. Lana seriously couldn’t blame him. All that tight muscle looked even _juicier_ due to Clark’s obvious shyness. Like he was a tasty, forbidden treat.

“There were these crazy witches, and they made you dress up like that and…uh, I came here to stop you, and then…” Clark began babbling.

“I came, as well,” Lex considered thoughtfully, leaning back on his hands and surveying the room. When his gaze alighted on Jason, Jason quickly moved to cover himself as well and went for his own pants. “We were arguing and then…” Lex’s brow furrowed. “I don’t remember anything beyond that.”

“She froze you…” Clark all but whimpered, looking like he was just _traumatized_ by the memory.

Lana blinked. “What? Wait a minute… Possessed by crazy witches?”

“Who made us dress like hos?” Chloe sounded just as skeptical.

“You said ‘weird’,” Lois insisted, hands on hips as she glared at Chloe. “Not ‘mind-bogglingly stupid.’”

Chloe winced apologetically.

“What I don’t remember,” Lex continued logically, still completely naked as he curled one knee up on the table, “is how _you_ ”—he looked pointedly at Jason—“got here.”

Chloe’s jaw dropped slightly as she apparently got a _very_ good look at the Luthor family jewels; Lex’s trust fund wasn’t the _only_ thing that was excessively generous…

“Clark!” Jason took one hand away from his crotch to point at where Clark was trying to figure out how to get his jeans on while covering up for modesty at the same time. “We split up to find Isobel, but I decided to follow him because I _knew_ he was lying when he said he didn’t know where they’d go—”

“How did you know?” Clark blinked, confused, like he actually _believed_ he wasn’t the world’s worst liar.

“And when I came in, they had the two of you stripped down and going at it like porn stars,” Jason concluded matter-of-factly.

Clark’s face re-reddened, so that it was almost maroon. And the tips of Lex’s ears even pinkened at that, and he looked down surreptitiously for a few seconds.

Chloe’s gaping expression turned into a rapturous half smile.

“One can only presume,” Lex finally concluded, “that they made you join in on the fun, as well…”

“Wait a minute…” Lois objected, eyeing Lex’s package with curiosity. “You’re telling me that because of this crazy town, I was possessed by a witch, forced to dress up like a goth reject, magically created three-way gay porn, and now I can’t even _remember_ it? That is _so_ not fair! I demand compensation.”

“What?” Jason’s eyes went wild, and Lana could see the whites of them. “There was _no_ three-way gay porn!”

“Oh, I don’t know.” Lex shifted a bit uncomfortably, like his seat was very sticky. “It kind of feels like there was…”

“I didn’t—” Jason sputtered. “I’m not— Lana, I—” He jerked up his jeans angrily, using the stone table to shield himself as he did so.

“If it’s true that there was some kind of spell,” Lana insisted, even though the way Jason’s eyes kept flicking toward Lex’s crotch made her skeptical, “then no one’s really to blame. It’s just like the last twenty or so times that something made everyone act crazy.”

“Damn straight,” Jason agreed, pointing a finger accusingly at Lex as he scrambled for his shirt. “I’m not playing your bottom-boy, like Kent here, Luthor.”

Lex blinked at him in the most unbelievably innocent way imaginable. “Of course,” he agreed smoothly, “you’d never want anything like that.”

“You’d _better_ believe it!” Jason pulled on his shirt, glanced around one last time. “This never happened, got it?” And ran for it.

They all watched him go, and for a moment there was stunned silence. Then:

“Denial,” Lois coughed.

An amused little smile curved Lex’s lips in response.

Chloe sighed, her eyes all but glued to Lex’s crotch.

Lana considered that carefully for several moments. If Jason really _was_ repressing his feelings for… Okay, that was kind of hot. She was pretty sure that that wasn’t _supposed_ to be her response to learning that her boyfriend was potentially gay for her ex-boyfriend and her old boss. But, in the end, she was only human.

“S-So I guess it didn’t mean anything then, huh?” Clark’s voice sounded terribly unsure, like he wasn’t sure whether he wanted the answer to his question to be ‘yes’ or ‘no.’

“Do you remember—?” Lex began curiously.

“No, no!” Clark insisted hastily, eyes looking all over the place in as guilty a manner as was physically possible. “Just like you. I don’t remember a thing at all.”

Lana resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Clark really was an atrocious liar. Why Clark couldn’t _see_ this – as well as how much it pissed off Lex – was a question for the ages.

Indeed, Lex’s eyes narrowed suspiciously for a moment, and his relaxed manner evaporated. With absolutely no concern for any delicate female eyes that might be watching, he got up and reached for his boxer shorts which weren’t far from Lois. _Lois_ certainly didn’t seem to mind the view in the slightest.

“We’re left with the question, then,” Lex considered, shimmying into his pants in a downright obscene manner that had Clark blushing even _harder_ , “of how we were all released from this compulsion.”

“I suppose there’s no way to know,” Lana agreed with Lex. “Which means there’s no way to know if they’ll come back…” She shivered.

“The book is gone,” Clark pointed out hopefully.

Lex raised an eyebrow at where Clark was still shielding his naughty bits with his jeans. Really, Clark _had_ let the cat out of the bag with that one. Lana’s own need to know dwindled at the look of abject…well, _lust_ for the truth that Lex bore.

And then, miraculously, Clark’s expression _softened_ in response to Lex, like he actually had figured it out for once. “Uh, so…” He halted, wide-eyed, when he realized that they still had a captivated audience.

“Ahem.” Lana coughed, doing her good deed of the day. “Maybe we should leave you two to get dressed?”

She elbowed Chloe pointedly, who was _still_ drooling, jaw agape. Lois was no better but, with a shove, Lana got them both headed toward the door.

Clark re-re-re-blushed at the idea of being left alone with Lex and stared pointedly at the ground. “There’s something that I need to tell you,” he said softly, as Lex moved closer to brush his hand against Clark’s hip, mouth open wide in awe. “That I probably should’ve told you a really long time ago…”

A contented little hum passed Lex’s lips.

Lana halted for one moment in the doorway. It was evil, but she just couldn’t resist. “Oh, Clark?” she shot over her shoulder on the way out.

He looked over his shoulder at her, squeaked when he realized she could still see him, and hid behind Lex.

“Cute butt,” she informed him evilly.

He flushed _all_ over at that one.

She met Lex’s knowing little smile with a wink before following Lois and Chloe into the outer room of the cave, where the conversation promptly turned to:

“Oh my _God_! Did you _see_ how well they were hung?”

Chloe nodded numbly to Lois. “I’d say it’s a freak Smallville thing, but that wouldn’t really explain Jason…”

“I changed my mind,” Lois informed Chloe. “I don’t care _how_ many ridiculous things happen to me. This? Was _so_ worth it all.”

Lana sighed. “Four years of crazy mutants trying to kill me… It’s about time the universe returned the favor, right?” She gave them a wicked little smile.

Evil grins abounded all around.

“Sooo,” Chloe finally asked slyly, “Clark and Lex are…?” She quirked an inquiring eyebrow.

“Hot?” Lois suggested.

“Besides that,” Chloe rolled her eyes.

“Madly in lust with each other?” Lana suggested instead. “Ten bucks says Jason is, too.”

Chloe batted Lana on the shoulder. “ _Bad_ girl,” she teased.

Lois sighed. “I really wouldn’t mind watching _that_ three-way…”

Lana nodded with false gravity. “If nothing else, this experience has given us that: No matter what centuries, magic, and skanky clothing may separate us, the one thing we and three crazy witches have in common? Love of good gay porn.”

“Amen to that,” Chloe and Lois agreed.


End file.
